Tatjana Almuli wrote a book about being fat in a society where being thin is the norm.
Welcome to the first article of Extraordinary! For this inclusive series, I am interviewing (extra-)ordinary women with extraordinary stories, powerful messages or unprecedented qualities. Do you know someone who fits into this picture, perhaps your neighbour, your sister or yourself? Send a message to iris.g.bouwmeester@gmail.com and then we will speak to each other soon!
This month, I phoned Tatjana Almuli (27), freelance photographer and copywriter, about her book 'Handsome for a fat girl', which was released in shops on 9 April. We also talked about the road to self-acceptance, her participation in weight loss programme Obese and being able to be yourself in a society that constantly presents you with an ideal image.
Hi Tatjana, congratulations on your debut as an author! What are you talking about in your book?
The main theme is what it is like to be fat in a society where being thin is the norm. Everything you can think of that theme is covered, such as self-image and fatshaming, but also love and friendship. My personal experiences take centre stage, but I also interviewed 15 other women about their experiences.
What inspired you to write this book?
I notice very strongly that in our society few fat people talk about their experiences, about how your weight can affect your life. Talking about being fat is taboo. Of course, there is also a lot of shame around it, I had that myself for a long time. but at some point I thought 'Fuck it. It just is what it is and we don't always have to keep quiet.' This is the first Dutch book on the subject, but many women recognise themselves in my experiences. So these stories just have to be brought out. And then it's just me who has to do that, even though I still find it hard to tell everything so honestly and frankly. I myself would have loved a book like this when I was young.
How has it affected you to always be presented with such an ideal image in the media?
I was insecure anyway, but that was fuelled by what I saw in the media. The models all look the same, thin and white, and every summer you are reminded that we need to work on getting a bikini body. I now understand much better how it all fits together. There are so many different types of bodies and the media always presents the same picture. Totally unrealistic. I pay much more attention to this now and notice that I am less susceptible to it.
On social media, you do see #bodypositivity popping up more and more often. How do you view this movement?
The core idea is super good, because self-acceptance and a positive self-image are very important. But it's also kind of unrealistic in my eyes. Whether you're fat or thin, you just can't be completely happy with yourself all the time, every day. I just don't believe in that. Especially in a society that is so focused on perfectionism. Then it is very difficult to stay very close to yourself and be in your self-acceptance. And it's okay to be honest about the fact that sometimes that's difficult.
I also think the body positivity movement always only goes to a certain point. There may be plus-size models with a larger size than an average model, but their proportions do fit within the current beauty ideal. They still fit within a certain picture. You still don't see models with big bellies or double chins. There is a distorted picture of what a woman should look like, when there are so many different body types exist. And it is important that these are more represented. It will probably take a long time to get there, but fortunately some magazines are doing their best.
Do you personally think it is important to get a message out through social media?
I was never really into it, but I do notice that I am getting more followers. It started when I participated in Obese, and grew further when I started writing for Women's health and started working on my book. I get super many messages from women and girls who like what I am doing, that I am speaking out about being fat and mental health, and that I am writing such a book. They recognise themselves in my stories. But I'm not constantly putting out a message, that doesn't feel authentic or genuine to me. I write about it maybe a few times a week, but otherwise my Instagram is just full of selfies.
You just mentioned your participation in Obese, can you talk a bit more about that?
I participated in 2014 and 2015 and experienced that period as very double. I went into it quite naive, because I had that stubborn ideal image in the back of my mind. Like 'I have to lose weight, because then I will be happier and then my life will really start.' I thought the programme would be my 'salvation'. Well, it really didn't work that way.
It helped me a lot, but it also triggered a lot in me. On the one hand, my personal trainers helped me build my self-confidence. Through them I also discovered my love for sports, and learnt that I am mentally stronger than I thought. But on the other hand, my metabolism got very bad, because I just lost too much weight in a short period of time. Not only because of the programme itself, but also because I was very much caught up in it myself. That's not Obese's fault, but it did fuel that in me. On top of that, halfway through the programme, I suddenly stopped losing weight. Nobody understood why and I went crazy, because I was trying so hard. Afterwards, it turned out that this was due to a defect in my genes, called MC4 receptor defect. This greatly affects my sense of hunger, satiety and metabolism. Even when I eat just fine, I quickly get hungry again. And then when I don't listen to that, I even get dizzy. So my DNA is working against me, but I didn't know that at the time. I became obsessed with losing weight and started eating way too little.
I ended up going to therapy and that helped a lot. I finally allowed myself to pause and look at what I had achieved. I couldn't do that before because I was always so busy trying to change myself. Now I started to accept myself more. I started exercising less obsessively and started eating normally again. I gained a lot of kilos then, because my metabolism was so screwed up, but now I feel mentally stronger than ever. I feel fitter, am out of my obsession and am much better in my skin. I work out four mornings a week, but just because I love doing it. When I exercise I feel clearer, I feel better about myself and I just start my day well.
What advice would you give to your former self, in view of all you have learnt in the past 10 years?
That you may take time to stop and discover things. Since I was a teenager, I always felt I had to change. I had to get better, become a well-liked person, and for me this was very much linked to getting thin. Now I find it much more important to be comfortable in my skin. You are good enough the way you are, weight is not the most important thing. It's not at all about fitting into a certain dress size. That would have helped me a lot if I had known then.
